“How can I cope with loss of a loved one?”

Question: How can I cope with loss of a loved one?

Answer: This is a large topic but perhaps there are a few things that can be offered that you will find helpful. The first would be to accept your grief rather than push it away. It is normal, indeed healthy, to feel loss when a loved one has died.

But consider the reality that it is we who feel sad, not necessarily the loved one. Those who know such things tell us that the place we go after death can be a place of joy, light, and beauty. 

Of course, if someone leaves this world burdened by pain, sorrow, or grief then it is possible that those states linger even if, at the same time, relief from pain and sorrow generally attend the “re-birth” into the heavenly realms. Death is a release from the troubles of this world. In that fact alone we can find solace and hope for our departed loved one.

All great saints, masters, and spiritual traditions encourage us to pray for those who have departed this plane of existence. And why perhaps is this? Because in the next world most souls are not as fully conscious as they may have been in this world. And why is that? Because most souls on earth live principally in their physical bodies. Deprived of the organs of sense, the brain, and nervous system they find it difficult to cope intelligently with the new world into which they have been thrust.

Thus it is that comforting thoughts and prayers directed to the memory and the feeling of the departed one can be a great comfort to them. Furthermore, especially in the days immediately following death, the soul is essentially going through a birth canal into a new world. That process can be confusing. It can also even be a little scary. 

Hence we should distinguish between our grief and the state of the departed soul. The departed soul may be happy — now free from pain and suffering. 

Finally, consider that our memory of our loved one is in fact our greatest treasure and no one can take that from us. According to the depth of our love for that soul, the masters tell us that we may indeed greet one another in the realm after death or in a future life. 

Focus therefore on gratitude for having known and loved this dear friend. Cherish your memories and let go of any regrets. Say to yourself, “If it is God’s will, we shall meet again.”

Answered by Nayaswami Hriman